Alright everybody...it has taken me weeks to compile this list and I have used innumerable websites and friends and my own personal collection exhaustively. Some are good and many are bad, but I guarantee if you read them all you will end up laughing out loud several times, if not busting a gut. Here for once and for all is (clearing my throat)

- Sin

YO MOMMA SO FAT

Yo momma so fat her shadow weighs 100 pounds.

Yo momma so fat her yearbook photos had to be taken by satellite.

Yo momma so fat bitch tripped over Wal-Mart, fell over K-Mart, and landed right on Target.

Yo momma so fat bitch sat on a rainbow and made Skittles.

Yo momma so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo momma so fat she made weight watchers go blind.

Yo momma so fat Chapstick had to invent a spray.

Yo momma so fat bitch sat on an Oreo and "unlocked the magic".

Yo momma so fat she jumped in the ocean and the whales started singing "We are familiy".

Yo momma so fat when I have sex with her I gotta slap her ass and ride the wave in.

Yo momma so fat her cereal bowl gotta have a lifeguard.

Yo momma so fat she wore an AA shirt and people thought she was American Airlines' new super jumbo jet.

Yo momma so fat she can seat a family of six.

Yo momma so fat bitch can walk around the world in 3 steps.

Yo momma so fat she was overthrown by a militia and is now known as the Republic of Yo Momma.

Yo momma so fat they had to change the Physics book to say "What goes up must come down, except yo momma".

Yo momma so fat she's taller lying down.

Yo momma so fat she went to get a waterbed and they threw a blanket across Lake Michigan.

Yo momma so fat she makes Big Bird look like a rubber duck.

Yo momma so fat when she gets into an elevator it HAS to go down.

Yo momma so fat I said I wanted "Pigs in a Blanket" and she got back in bed.

Yo momma so fat McDonald's has to change their sign every time she eats.

Yo momma so fat her big toe got stuck in the cat door.

Yo momma so fat bitch makes Sumo Wrestlers look anorexic.

Yo momma so fat bitch ran outside wearing yellow and the children ran after her thinking they'd missed the bus.

Yo momma so fat at night people mistake her for the moon.

Yo momma so fat her doctor gotta be a grounds keeper too.

Yo momma so fat she needs a forklift to stand up.

Yo momma so fat she can't reach her back pocket.

Yo momma so fat bitch uses Mount Everest for a dildo.

Yo momma so fat she got stuck in her dreams.

Yo momma so fat she got her ears pierced by harpoons.

Yo momma so fat the only thing she fits into at the clothing store is the dressing rooms.

Yo momma so fat you can pinch an inch on her forehead.

Yo momma so fat bitch went outside with a blue dress and people were screaming "The sky is falling."

Yo momma so fat on a scale of 1 to 10 bitch is a 747.

Yo momma so fat when she wears corduroy pants the ridges don't show.

Yo momma so fat she made Richard Simmons say "Alright, fuck this, I quit."

Yo momma so fat she had a dream about marshmallows and when she woke up her pillows were gone.

Yo momma so fat she went to the top of the St. Louis arch and it turned into a McDonald's sign.

Yo momma so fat after sex she smokes a ham.

Yo momma so fat when she ran away they had to use all 4 sides of the milk carton.

Yo momma so fat she sat in the back of the bus and it flipped over.

Yo momma so fat she sits in the bathtub and makes the neighbors toilets overflow.

Yo momma so fat her car gotta be made of spandex.

Yo momma so fat they had to invent Super Extra-Strength Ultra Slim Fast.

Yo momma so fat she went to a restaurant and the waiter said "Party of five."

Yo momma so fat she broke the branches off the family tree.

Yo momma so fat she went to a fat contest and won first, second and third place.

Yo momma so fat Doc Martin gotta kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.

Yo momma so fat she brought her dress to the cleaner's and they said "Sorry, we don't do curtains."

Yo momma so fat she saw a bus filled with white kids and said "Stop that twinkie!"

Yo momma so fat people be thinking she's the Kool-Aid man.

Yo momma so fat her waist size is equator.

Yo momma so fat she had stretch marks when she was a virgin.

Yo momma so fat people jog around her for exercise.

Yo momma so fat she got a 747 cought in her teeth.

Yo momma so fat to her "light food" means under 4 tons.

Yo momma so fat when bitch goes to the movies she sits next to EVERYONE.

Yo momma so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.

Yo momma so fat when she was born she gave the hospital stretch marks.

Yo momma so fat her waist size is larger than her IQ.

Yo momma so fat bitch was zoned for commercial development.

Yo momma so fat her toilet seat got shocks.

Yo momma so fat bitch keeps her diaphragm in a pizza box.

Yo momma so fat she treats Church's Chicken like it's a holy place.

Yo momma so fat when she wears a Malcolm X shirt helicopters try to land on her.

Yo momma so fat last time she saw 90210 she was standing on a scale.

Yo momma so fat when she moons people they turn into Werewolves.

Yo momma so fat bitch stepped on a talking scale and it said "One at a time please."

Yo momma so fat bitch stepped on a talking scale and it said "To infinity and beyond!"

Yo momma so fat she stepped on a talking scale and it said "Bitch get yo fat ass off."

Yo momma so fat she stepped on a talking scale and it never said shit...EVER AGAIN.

Yo momma so fat she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says "Okay."

Yo momma so fat you can set your drinks on her ass while she's standing up.

Yo momma so fat she stands in a turn lane and gets the green light.

Yo momma so fat bitch went on a light diet...as soon as it's light she starts eating.

Yo momma so fat bitch jumped up in the air and got stuck.

Yo momma so fat when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

Yo momma so fat when she gets her shoes shined she's gotta take their word for it.

Yo momma so fat the police showed her pictures of her feet and she couldn't identify them.

Yo momma so fat the airline charges her round trip for each flight.

Yo momma so fat I've known her my whole life and still haven't seen all of the bitch.

Yo momma so fat bitch could go for a week without eating and STILL not lose weight.

Yo momma so fat she when she goes to the lawyer's it's the law offices of Hagen and Daas.

Yo momma so fat she's half American, half Irish, and half Italian.

Yo momma so fat she thinks a balanced meal is a ham in each hand.

Yo momma so fat she rolled over a Super Nintendo and made 4 Game Boys.

Yo momma so fat I couldn't lift her picture.

Yo momma so fat she thought gravy was a beverage.

Yo momma so fat she wears an asteroid belt.

Yo momma so fat she can't even jump to a conclusion.

Yo momma so fat she wears a black bathing suit to the beach and people start yelling "Oil Spill"

Yo momma so fat if she weighed five more pounds bitch would get group insurance.

Yo momma so fat she went to Sizzler and got the discount for party of six or more.

Yo momma so fat she went to the salad bar and pulled up a chair.

Yo momma so fat she wears a watch on each arm...one for each timezone.

Yo momma so fat her ass looks like two pigs fighting over a Milk Dud.

Yo momma so fat I climbed on top of her and burned my ass on the lightbulb.

Yo momma so fat when she wears fishnet stockings they need to be 50 pound test.

Yo momma so fat she sits on a piece of coal and farts out a diamond.

Yo momma so fat the animals at the zoo feed HER.

Yo momma so fat she gotta put a bookmark in her rolls to find her belly button.

Yo momma so fat I tried to drive around the bitch and I ran out of gas.

Yo momma so fat bitch works in movies : AS THE SCREEN.

Yo momma so fat bitch went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it.

Yo momma so fat whenever she walks in high heels she strikes oil.

Yo momma so fat bitch put on a pair of BVDs and by the time they reach her waist they spell out BOULEVARD.

Yo momma so fat when she goes to the beach people try to throw her back in.

Yo momma so fat she got other smaller fat women orbiting around her.

Yo momma so fat she put on a pair of high heels and by the end of the day they're flats.

Yo momma so fat bitch got her own zip code.

Yo momma so fat she goes to a concert and dances and the whole band skips.

Yo momma so fat the State Patrol made her wear "Caution, Wide Turn".

Yo momma so fat she turned around and we threw her a welcome back party.

Yo momma so fat she sat on a quarter and boogers shot out George Washington's nose.

Yo momma so fat bitch has been daclared a natural habitat for Condors.

Yo momma so fat you gotta roll her in flour to find the wet spot.

Yo momma so fat her neck look like a pack of hot dogs.

Yo momma so fat she broke her leg and gravy poured out.

Yo momma so fat she uses a boomerang to put on her belt.

Yo momma so fat she plays Hopscotch like "America, England, China".

Yo momma so fat we're in her right now.

Yo momma so fat she fell and nobody was laughing but the ground was cracking up.

Yo momma so fat it takes the bitch 2 trips to haul ass.

Yo momma so fat her belly-button got an echo.

Yo momma so fat her blood type is Ragu.

Yo momma so fat she bent over and got arrested for selling crack.

Yo momma so fat bitch uses a landing strip at the airport for a Slip-N-Slide.

Yo momma so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts.

Yo momma so fat she was elected Miss Arizona --- class battleship.

Yo momma so fat she bungee jumps and brings the bridge down with her.

Yo momma so fat I rolled over twice and was STILL on top of the bitch.

Yo momma so fat she got more chins than Chinatown.

Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain found her and cried "America!"

Yo momma so fat her legs are like spoiled milk - smelly, white and chunky.

Yo momma so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitch's good side.

Yo momma so fat bitch gotta buy three airline tickets.

Yo momma so fat when she play football she's both offense AND defense.

Yo momma so fat she fell over and rocked herself to sleep trying to get up again.

Yo momma so fat in the summer she sells shade.

Yo momma so fat bitch gotta pay taxes in 3 different countries.

Yo momma so fat when she wears a green dress bitch looks like a pool table.

Yo momma so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping.

Yo momma so fat when they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping they hit the ground.

Yo momma so fat bitch stood up and got hit by a parked car.

Yo momma so fat we had to grease the bathtub to get the bitch out.

Yo momma so fat she got a run in her blue jeans.

Yo momma so fat she DJs for the ice cream truck.

Yo momma so fat I ran around the bitch twice and got lost.

Yo momma so fat her ass got it's own congressman.

Yo momma so fat bitch was walking in her jeans and I swore I smelled something burning.

Yo momma so fat I gotta take three steps back to see all of her.

Yo momma so fat she shops for clothes at the local tent shop.

Yo momma so fat she stepped on a train track and the warning lights went on.

Yo momma so fat bitch went to the circus, saw the Big Top and said "Where can I try that on?"

Yo momma so fat bitch fell and now the bottom of the Grand Canyon is signed "YO MOMMA"

Yo momma so fat she rides in a hot air balloon and looks like she's wearing tights.

Yo momma so fat she got a wooden leg with a kickstand.

Yo momma so fat she's on BOTH sides of the family.

Yo momma so fat her teeth got stretch marks.

Yo momma so fat on both of her ass cheeks it says "Place Ad Here".

Yo momma so fat bitch went to the Olympics and they said "The trampoline has arrived."

Yo momma so fat when she plays football anything outside yo momma is out of bounds.

Yo momma so fat she tried to get a job in "Raiders of the Lost Ark" and got the part of the big rolling ball.

Yo momma so fat when bitch leaves the beach everybody says "The coast is clear."

Yo momma so fat bitch gotta wake up in sections.

Yo momma so fat she goes to the amusement park and people try to ride HER.

Yo momma so fat she was born with a silver SHOVEL in her mouth.

Yo momma so fat bitch caught a flesh eating disease and the doctor still gave her 23 years to live.

Yo momma so fat she rolled over 4 quarters and made a dollar.

Yo momma so fat her driver's license picture says "Continued on the other side".

Yo momma so fat NASA got the new spy satellite orbiting around her.

Yo momma so fat bitch got AMTRAK tatooed on her leg.

Yo momma so fat she goes to an all you can eat buffet and they gotta install speed bumps.

Yo momma so fat she uses a matress as a tampon.

Yo momma so fat she went to Jenny Craig and they said "Sorry, we don't do miracles."

Yo momma so fat she gotta take posters instead of pictures.

Yo momma so fat she wouldve been in E.T., but when she rode the bike over the moon she caused an eclipse.

Yo momma so fat bitch had to get a sweatshop to get enough people to tie her shoes.

Yo momma so fat she hula-hoops the Super Bowl.

Yo momma so fat she uses the Super Bowl to eat her cereal.

Yo momma so fat when she walks her butt claps.

Yo momma so fat bitch wears yellow and jumps on a trampoline and the Sun gotta give up and look for another job.

Yo momma so fat we went to the drive-in and she didn't have to pay cause we dressed her up like a Chevrolet.

Yo momma so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they need to clean it.

Yo momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth.

Yo momma so fat it takes one year to download her picture.

Yo momma so fat she uses a roll of Bounty and a rope for a tampon.

Yo momma so fat Bill Gates tried to pay for her liposuction and went broke.

Yo momma so fat she steps on a talking scale and it says "99999...To be continued..."

Yo momma so fat she steps on a talking scale and it says "Sorry, we don't do livestock."

Yo momma so fat she steps on a talking scale and it says "Please step out of the car."

Yo momma so fat bitch stepped on a scale and saw her phone number.

Yo momma so fat nobody can talk behind her back.

Yo momma so fat I gain weight just by watching her eat.

Yo momma so fat she whistles bass.

Yo momma so fat she bent down to tie her shoes and her face burned up on re-entry.

Yo momma so fat when she takes a shower her feet don't get wet.

Yo momma so fat she can't wear Daisy Dukes...bitch gotta wear Boss Hoggs.

Yo momma so fat she runs and car alarms go off.

Yo momma so fat the only way I can get the bitch though my door is to grease both sides and hold a twinkie in front of her.

Yo momma so fat the AIDS quilt tried to come up with a longer named disease just to cover her fat ass.

Yo momma so fat bitch look like she be smuggling a Volkswagon.

Yo momma so fat when she go to the beach people be running around yelling "Free Willy!"

Yo momma so fat I climbed on top of her and my ears popped.

Yo momma so fat when she wants someone to shake her hand bitch has to give directions.

Yo momma so fat she gotta iron her pants in the driveway.

Yo momma so fat she put on lipstick with a paint-roller.

Yo momma so fat she gotta pull down her pants to get into her pockets.

Yo momma so fat she tripped over on 4th Ave and landed on 12th.

Yo momma so fat bitch bungee jumps and goes straight to Hell.

Yo momma so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people yell "Taxi!"

Yo momma so fat bitch went to Sea World to get Baptized.

Yo momma so fat when she sits around the house she REALLY sits around the house.

Yo momma so fat her beeper went off and people thought bitch was backing up.

Yo momma so fat bitch uses a VCR for a beeper.

Yo momma so fat she gotta use sleeping bags for leg warmers.

Yo momma so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Yo momma so fat she goes to the beach and the tide comes in.

Yo momma so fat she put on Guess jeans and got an answer.

Yo momma so fat everytime bitch turns around we gotta throw her another birthday party.

Yo momma so fat bitch got hit by a truck and said "Who threw that rock?"

Yo momma so fat when she goes to the beach NOBODY gets sun.

Yo momma so fat when she goes to a restaurant she even orders "Thank you, come again".

Yo momma so fat she bent over at the airport and got arrested for having 20 pounds of crack.

Yo momma so fat I saw her in New York and when I told my friend in LA he said he'd seen her too.

Yo momma so fat they had to change "One size fits all" to "One size fits most".

Yo momma so fat she eats biscuits like Tic-Tacs.

Yo momma so fat bitch fell down the stairs and measured 5.6 on the Richter Scale.

Yo momma so fat when your father fell in love with her he got lost.

Yo momma so fat she measures 36 24 36 and the other arm is just as big.

Yo momma so fat bitch jumped up in the air and went into orbit.

Yo momma so fat she gotta get out of the car to change gears.

Yo momma so fat the theatres in town say "Seats up to 270 people or Yo Momma".

Yo momma so fat bitch stood in front of the HOLLYWOOD sign and it just said H D.

Yo momma so fat bitch tried to get an all over tan and burned out the sun.

Yo momma so fat she gotta use Hula-Hoops to hold up her socks.

Yo momma so fat her skates went flat.

Yo momma so fat the horse on her Jordache jeans is REAL.

Yo momma so fat bitch walks in front of the TV and you miss 5 minutes of your show.

Yo momma so fat the only thing stopping her from going to Jenny Craig is the door.

Yo momma so fat bitch uses a pillowcase for a sock.

Yo momma so fat her belly-button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters.

Yo momma so fat she got more nooks and crannies than an English Muffin.

Yo momma so fat bitch was standing alone on a corner and the police came and said "Come on everybody, break it up!"

Yo momma so fat she leaves stretch marks on the bathtub.

Yo momma so fat she buys her clothes in three sizes : extra large, super jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us!

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YO MOMMA SO UGLY

Yo momma so ugly her parents had to tie a porkchop around the dog's neck just to get it to play with her.

Yo momma so ugly her nickname is "DAMN BITCH YOU UGLY".

Yo momma so ugly bitch didn't need a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo momma so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle they put it around her neck.

Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

Yo momma so ugly they give her 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September people say "Is it Halloween already?"

Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo momma so ugly they put her face on a milk carton and the milk spoiled.

Yo momma so ugly if ugly were bricks bitch would have her own projects.

Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to the bitch.

Yo momma so ugly Jeffrey Dahmer got ahold of her and threw her back.

Yo momma so ugly she cuts onions and makes THEM cry.

Yo momma so ugly bitch makes urine curdle.

Yo momma so ugly when she sits at the beach cats try to bury her.

Yo momma so ugly when she was born they put her in an incubator with tinted windows.

Yo momma so ugly bitch made her vibrator go limp.

Yo momma so ugly she went to heaven and Jesus sent her ugly ass to Hell.

Yo momma so ugly she looks like her face caught on fire and your family tried to put it out with a fork.

Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone.

Yo momma so ugly she was yo daddy's last choice at the pound.

Yo momma so ugly yo daddy takes her to work with him just so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo momma so ugly yo house got no roaches 'cause they be scared of her ugly ass.

Yo momma so ugly bitch gotta trick or treat over the phone.

Yo momma so ugly at Christmas her family hangs her and kisses the mistletoe.

Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took them 12 hours just for a motherfucking QUOTE.

Yo momma so ugly people pay her to put her clothes ON in strip joints.

Yo momma so ugly when bitch walks into a bank they turn off the surveillence cameras.

Yo momma so ugly her momma had to be drunk to breast feed her.

Yo momma so ugly her birth certificate is an apology letter from the Condom Factory.

Yo momma so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower.

Yo momma so ugly she was breast fed through a straw.

Yo momma so ugly when she was born her incubator windows were tinted.

Yo momma so ugly she went to jump in the lake and the lake jumped back.

Yo momma so ugly she makes blind kids cry.

Yo momma so ugly she looked in the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo momma so ugly you look up ugly in the dictionary it has her picture.

Yo momma so ugly we brought her to the zoo and they said "Thanks for bringing the bitch back!"

Yo momma so ugly when she goes to the beach the tide won't come in.

Yo momma so ugly her reflection in the mirror ducks.

Yo momma so ugly bitch makes legless kids run.

Yo momma so ugly when she moved into her house all the neighbors chipped in to buy her curtains.

Yo momma so ugly when she was born her momma said "What a treasure" and her daddy said "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo momma so ugly her method of birth control is to leave the lights on.

Yo momma so ugly she won't even play with HERSELF.

Yo momma so ugly when she was born the doctor slapped HER momma.

Yo momma so ugly they threw her away and kept the afterbirth.

Yo momma so ugly she gotta pay pillows to sleep with her.

Yo momma so ugly I wouldn't fuck her with a stolen dick.

Yo momma so ugly she went to a ugly contest and they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Yo momma so ugly bitch went to a haunted house and came out with a job application.

Yo momma so ugly she gotta sneak up on a hurricane to catch the breeze.

Yo momma so ugly they offered her a job at the airport sniffing for drugs.

Yo momma so ugly she sat in the bathtub and the water jumped out.

Yo momma so ugly her doctor is a veterinarian.

Yo momma so ugly she sat under the stars and the Man in the Moon looked the other way.

Yo momma so ugly bitch walks by a bathroom and the toilet flushes.

Yo momma so ugly bitch looks like she went bobbing for French Fries.

Yo momma so ugly her parents had to feed her with a slingshot.

Yo momma so ugly people dress up like her for Halloween.

Yo momma so ugly the tide won't even take her out.

Yo momma so ugly her dentist treats her by mail.

Yo momma so ugly she scare chrome off a bumper.

Yo momma so ugly she scare a rabid dog off a meat truck.

Yo momma so ugly she got a face that would sink a thousand ships.

Yo momma so ugly she has to get her vibrator drunk first.

Yo momma so ugly she gave Freddy Kreuger nightmares.

Yo momma so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie face down.

Yo momma so ugly bitch look like she got hit with a big bag of "What the Fuck".

Yo momma so ugly when the bitch cries the tears run down the back of her head because they're scared of her face.

Yo momma so ugly she made a freight train take a dirt road.

Yo momma so ugly her pillow cries at night.

Yo momma so ugly she went into a Taco Bell and they ALL ran for the border.

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YO MOMMA SO OLD

Yo momma so old I told her to act her age and the bitch died.

Yo momma so old when she was in school there WAS no History class.

Yo momma so old she knew Burger King when he was still a Prince.

Yo momma so old she was the head waitress at the Last Supper.

Yo momma so old her birth cirtificate is in Roman numerals.

Yo momma so old Jesus signed her yearbook.

Yo momma so old she owes Jesus 3 bucks.

Yo momma so old she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.

Yo momma so old she reads the bible and reminisces.

Yo momma so old she got an autographed bible.

Yo momma so old there's the Father, the Son, the Holy Ghost, and YO MOMMA.

Yo momma so old her birth cirtificate says "Expired."

Yo momma so old before God said "Let there be light" he told her to get her old ass out of the way.

Yo momma so old when God said "Let there be light" she hit the switch.

Yo momma so old her Social Security number is 1.

Yo momma so old she drove a chariot to high school.

Yo momma so old bitch farts dust.

Yo momma so old she made Fred Flintstone's BedRock.

Yo momma so old her breasts give out powdered milk.

Yo momma so old the key on Benjamin Franklin's kite was the key to her apartment.

Yo momma so old I slapped her back and her breasts fell off.

Yo momma so old the candles cost more than the birthday cake.

Yo momma so old when she was young rainbows were black and white.

Yo momma so old when she was young the Dead Sea was just Getting Sick.

Yo momma so old she got Jesus' beeper number.

Yo momma so old her Driver's License is in hieroglyphics.

Yo momma so old bitch got all the apostles in her black book.

Yo momma so old she walked into an antique store and got sold for 500 dollars.

Yo momma so old when Moses parted the Red Sea she was on the other side fishing.

Yo momma so old she knew the Virgin Mary when she was 10 and said "L'il Mary will never amount to anything."

Yo momma so old she's blind from the Big Bang.

Yo momma so old even God calls her momma.

Yo momma so old she's older than yo grandmomma.

Yo momma so old she saw Jurassic Park and it brought back memories.

Yo momma so old Moses signed in her yearbook "See your old ass next year!"

YO MOMMA SO STANK

Yo momma so stank I asked her "What's for dinner?" and she put her foot on the table and said "Corn".

Yo momma so stank she make Right Guard turn left.

Yo momma so stank she made Right Guard call for backup.

Yo momma so stank she gotta use Right Guard AND Left Guard.

Yo momma so stank she make Speed Stick slow down.

Yo momma so stank she made Sure confused.

Yo momma so stank she made Ban come off strike.

Yo momma so stank she put on Secret and the shit TOLD.

Yo momma so stank a blind man walked past her and said "How much for the shrimp platter?"

Yo momma so stank for her breath she had to take a presription Tic-Tac.

Yo momma so stank she spread her legs and made me seasick.

Yo momma so stank the garbage men tried to throw her in the truck.

Yo momma so stank the only dis I gave her was a disinfectant.

Yo momma so stank John Holmes just looked at her and got AIDS.

Yo momma so stank at her house you gotta wipe your feet before you go outside.

Yo momma so stank she's like a hockey team...changes her pads every three periods.

Yo momma so stank even dogs won't sniff her crotch.

Yo momma so stank she makes mud look clean.

Yo momma so stank her daddy ate her out and got food poisoning.

Yo momma so stank she only changes her drawers every 10000 miles.

Yo momma so stank she made the gas mask a fashion statement.

Yo momma so stank a skunk smelled her and said "Damn bitch you stank."

Yo momma so stank bitch has more clap than an auditorium.

Yo momma so stank she was banned from the Sanitation Department because they didn't want her stank ass.

Yo momma so stank she brings crabs to the beach.

Yo momma so stank every time she opens her mouth she be talking shit.

Yo momma so stank when she take off her panties it sounds like Velcro.

Yo momma so stank her shit is glad to escape.

Yo momma so stank the fishery be paying her to go the fuck AWAY.

Yo momma so stank she has to creep up on bathwater.

Yo momma so stank when the major yelled "Hit the dirt" everybody punched yo momma.

Yo momma so stank she went swimming and made the Dead Sea.

Yo momma so stank bitch gotta pour salt water down her pants to keep the crabs fresh.

Yo momma so stank nobody can tell where the dirt stops and she begins.

Yo momma so stank she stuck in a cucumber and pulled out a pickle.

Yo momma so stank the roaches check into her drawers but they don't check out.

Yo momma so stank I talked to her on the internet and got a virus.

Yo momma so stank I called the bitch to say hello and she gave me an ear infection.

YO MOMMA SO STUPID

Yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was a refund.

Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Yo momma so stupid bitch saw the NC-17 rating and had to bring 16 friends.

Yo momma so stupid I had to dig for her IQ.

Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.

Yo momma so stupid she thought gangrene was a golf course.

Yo momma so stupid it took her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch.

Yo momma so stupid bitch studied for a drug test.

Yo momma so stupid she put on a webuit to surf the internet.

Yo momma so stupid she spent all day looking at an orange juice box because it said "concentrate".

Yo momma so stupid she thought Taco Bell was a phone company in Mexico.

Yo momma so stupid she gotta have a tutor to read lips.

Yo momma so stupid bitch fell UP the stairs.

Yo momma so stupid she put a quarter in a parking meter and wondered where her gumball was.

Yo momma so stupid she tried to kill a fish by drowning it.

Yo momma so stupid she tried to kill a bird by throwing it off a cliff.

Yo momma so stupid she thought Wu Tang was an African orange drink.

Yo momma so stupid she make Beavis and Butthead look like Nobel Prize winners.

Yo momma so stupid bitch had to go to rehab because she was "Hooked on Phonics".

Yo momma so stupid she asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said "Guess" and so she said "Levi's".

Yo momma so stupid bitch got lost in a grocery store and starved.

Yo momma so stupid bitch went to the Gap to fix her teeth.

Yo momma so stupid bitch stuck a phone up her ass to make a booty call.

Yo momma so stupid she went to Pizza Hut and ordered a Big Mac.

Yo momma so stupid she brought a coloring book to see The Color Purple.

Yo momma so stupid they told her to join the fight against weed and bitch came out with a lawnmower.

Yo momma so stupid she went to a Clippers game to get her hair cut.

Yo momma so stupid she tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order and couldn't do it.

Yo momma so stupid she got fired from the M&Ms factory for throwing out all the Ws.

Yo momma so stupid bitch tripped over a cordless phone.

Yo momma so stupid she ran around the bed all night trying to catch some sleep.

Yo momma so stupid she got a bumper sticker on her wheelchair saying "I will not be pushed around."

Yo momma so stupid bitch stands up on an empty bus.

Yo momma so stupid she stopped at a stop sign and waited for it to say go.

Yo momma so stupid she can't read an audio book.

Yo momma so stupid she went to the doctor and he said "You've got a cateract." and she said "No, I've got a Lincoln."

Yo momma so stupid it took her a day to make a 3 minute egg.

Yo momma so stupid when she uses Hamburger Helper she has to ask for help.

Yo momma so stupid bitch saw a sign that said "Disney World Left" so she went home.

Yo momma so stupid on a job application when it said "Sex?" she wrote "M, F, and sometimes Wednesday too."

Yo momma so stupid she asked me what the number was for 911.

Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo momma so stupid she got hit by a cup and told the police she got mugged.

Yo momma so stupid bitch jumped off a cliff because she heard her Maxipad had wings.

Yo momma so stupid when she saw her job application said "Do not write below this line" she wrote "O.K."

Yo momma so stupid she tried to take the 44 bus but had to take the 22 twice instead.

Yo momma so stupid she called the cocaine hot line to order some.

Yo momma so stupid she put lipstick on her forehead trying to make up her mind.

Yo momma so stupid she put 2 batteries up her ass and started screaming "I got the power!"

Yo momma so stupid bitch watches "The Three Stooges" to take notes.

Yo momma so stupid she took a donut to the rapair shop because it had a hole in it.

Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.

Yo momma so stupid she offered a TV dinner to the TV.

Yo momma so stupid she saw her reflection in the TV and thought she was on Double Jeopardy.

Yo momma so stupid bitch has to climb a glass wall to see what's on the other side.

Yo momma so stupid she had to bring an umbrella to see Purple Rain.

Yo momma so stupid bitch invented a wheelchair with pedals.

Yo momma so stupid last time bitch used a vibrator she broke her two front teeth.

Yo momma so stupid her brain cells die ALL ALONE.

Yo momma so stupid she tried to upsize the Fleetwood Mac at McDonald's.

Yo momma so stupid she tried to get your brother to join Boys II Men because she thought it was a day care center.

Yo momma so stupid she had to buy a videocamera to record cable TV shows at home.

Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV and watches the couch.

Yo momma so stupid she tried to get a token to get on Soul Train.

Yo momma so stupid bitch tried to wake up a sleeping bag.

Yo momma so stupid she got fired from a blow-job.

Yo momma so stupid people asked her for crack and she bent over and said "Here ya go."

Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

Yo momma so stupid bitch went to a 24 hour store and asked what time they closed.

Yo momma so stupid she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.

Yo momma so stupid she thought Delta Airlines was a sorority.

Yo momma so stupid she thought Christmas wrap was Snoop Dogg's holiday album.

Yo momma so stupid she thought manual labor was a Mexican.

Yo momma so stupid she thought menopause was a button on the stereo.

Yo momma so stupid she went to Dodger Stadium and drowned in the waves.

Yo momma so stupid she got lost in thought and never found her way out.

Yo momma so stupid when she heard 90 percent of all accidents happen around the home, she moved.

Yo momma so stupid she ran by the YMCA and said "Hey look they spelled Macy's wrong."

Yo momma so stupid she sat on a window ledge worrying she'd get framed.

Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean roar.

Yo momma so stupid she tried to drop acid but the car battery fell on her foot.

Yo momma so stupid she put her watch in the bank to save time.

Yo momma so stupid she got stuck on an escalator for 3 hours.

Yo momma so stupid she returned a jigsaw puzzle bitching that it was broken.

Yo momma so stupid she saw a "Wet Floor" sign and pissed on the floor.

Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread.

Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a bathroom and pissed on herself.

Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

Yo momma so stupid bitch used Dan Quayle for a spell check.

Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot-out.

Yo momma so stupid her cereal bowl had to come with a lifeguard.

Yo momma so stupid she thought Keith Sweat was a body odor.

Yo momma so stupid she sold her car to get money for gas.

Yo momma so stupid bitch threw a rock at the floor and missed.

Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight.

Yo momma so stupid she told everyone she was illegitimate because she couldn't read.

Yo momma so stupid I told her to buy me a color TV and she said "What color?"

Yo momma so stupid bitch heard it was chilly outside and ran out with a spoon and a bowl.

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YO MOMMA SO POOR

Yo momma so poor her front door and back door are on the same hinge.

Yo momma so poor bitch can't afford to pay attention.

Yo momma so poor she drives a peanut.

Yo momma so poor she bounces food stamps.

Yo momma so poor the Repo man took back her free samples.

Yo momma so poor she's just "po" because bitch can't afford the other o or the r.

Yo momma so poor bitch waves around a popsickle stick and calls it air conditioning.

Yo momma so poor her house burned down and she started singing "Thank the Lord we have heat."

Yo momma so poor I stepped on a cockroach and she started singing "Thank the Lord we have something to eat."

Yo momma so poor I asked where her bathroom was and bitch said "Third bucket on the right."

Yo momma so poor I went to use her bathroom and a roach on a Pepsi can looked up and said "Wait your turn."

Yo momma so poor I asked to use her bathroom and she gave me 2 sticks...one to hold the roof up and one to fight the roaches.

Yo momma so poor I ring the doorbell and she goes "Ding!"

Yo momma so poor she heard about the Last Supper and thought she had run out of food stamps.

Yo momma so poor bitch is a maid for a homeless family.

Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald's and had to put a vanilla milkshake on layaway.

Yo momma so poor bitch got her face on the front of food stamps.

Yo momma so poor she made your family eat cereal with a fork to save milk.

Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell the toilet flushes.

Yo momma so poor bitch goes to KFC and has to lick other people's fingers.

Yo momma so poor I saw her wearing only one shoe and asked her "Did you lose a shoe?" and she said "No I found one!"

Yo momma so poor I went in her house and put out a cigarette and she said "Who turned off the heat?"

Yo momma so poor burglars break in the house and LEAVE money.

Yo momma so poor bitch uses a washcloth for wall-to-wall carpeting.

Yo momma so poor she's the reason welfare was made.

Yo momma so poor the electric company came into her house and blew out the candles.

Yo momma so poor the roaches ride around the house in dune buggys.

Yo momma so poor she opens her purse and air rushes into that empty shit.

Yo momma so poor I saw her kicking a can and asked what she was doing and she said "Moving".

Yo momma so poor her welcome mat just says "Wel"

Yo momma so poor she can't buy a clue.

Yo momma so poor if she got robbed it would just be for practice.

Yo momma so poor your family car is a skateboard.

Yo momma so poor her wedding cake was cornbread.

Yo momma so poor she calls an elevator a mobile home.

Yo momma so poor to do a drive-by shooting bitch has to take the bus.

Yo momma so poor you put Round-Up on the weeds and she says "There goes breakfast, lunch, and dinner."

Yo momma so poor you gotta go outside her little-ass house just to eat a large pizza.

Yo momma so poor I asked her where the facilities were and she said "Pick a corner, any corner."

Yo momma so poor her TV got two channels : "On" and Off".

Yo momma so poor for Christmas she gave you a video of other people having Christmas.

Yo momma so poor she got married for the rice.

Yo momma so poor she can't afford to change her mind.

Yo momma so poor she couldn't kill the roaches because they pay half the rent.

Yo momma so poor I walked in her house and 3 roaches tried to trip me up and take my wallet.

Yo momma so poor I stuck a key in the keyhole of her little-ass house and stabbed 3 people standing in the hallway.

Yo momma so poor I saw her buying Hefty bags and asked her what she was doing and she said "Buying Luggage".

Yo momma so poor...you know the story about the old woman who lived in a shoe? Yo momma lives in a flip-flop.

Yo momma so poor she tries to put her two cents in and has to say "Lemmie borrow a quarter".

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YO MOMMA SO HAIRY

Yo momma so hairy you almost died at birth of rugburn.

Yo momma so hairy she got a Rabbi under each arm

Yo momma so hairy bitch look like she got Buckwheat in headlock.

Yo momma so hairy bitch look like a Chia Pet wearing a sweater.

Yo momma so hairy Bigfoot took pictures of HER.

Yo momma so hairy she takes off her shirt and STILL be wearing a sweater.

Yo momma so hairy she got 3 settings on her shaver : Medium, High, and Timber!

Yo momma so hairy bitch washes with rug cleaner.

Yo momma so hairy she went to a hair salon and opened her shirt and said "Get to work!"

Yo momma so hairy she went to the zoo and the zookeeper told her to get her ass back in the cage.

Yo momma so hairy bitch gotta take painkillers to comb her hair.

Yo momma so hairy her nipples got afros.

Yo momma so hairy bitch gotta shave with a weedwacker.

Yo momma so hairy you gotta part her legs with a machete.

Yo momma so hairy the fleas think they in a jungle.

Yo momma so hairy she got a haircut and lost 10 pounds.

Yo momma so hairy her hair grows all the way down to her dick.

Yo momma so hairy she shaved her ass and disappeared.

Yo momma so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan.

YO MOMMA HAS

Yo momma has one leg and a bicycle.

Yo momma has 4 eyes and 2 pairs of sunglasses.

Yo momma got so much hair on her upper lip bitch braids it.

Yo momma got one hand and a Clapper.

Yo momma has 10 fingers - all on the same hand.

Yo momma has one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying.

Yo momma got green hair and thinks she's a tree.

Yo momma got a glass eye with a fish in it.

Yo momma got a short leg and walks in circles.

Yo momma has a short arm and can't applaude.

Yo momma has so many freckles bitch looks like a hamburger.

Yo momma got three fingers and a banjo.

Yo momma got no teeth be asking can she get a bite.

Yo momma got no legs saying she's gonna run for President.

Yo momma got one ear saying she wants to hear both sides of the story.

Yo momma got no legs talking about "Let's go kick it".

Yo momma got no arms saying "Let's throw a party."

Yo momma has a wooden leg with branches.

Yo momma got a wooden leg and plays street hockey.

Yo momma got a wooden leg with real feet.

Yo momma blind talking about "I see."

Yo momma has a bald head with a part and sideburns.

Yo momma has...wait you ain't got no momma, you got 2 daddies and a chemistry set.

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YO MOMMA SUCH A HO

Yo momma such a ho she's like a doorknob...everybody gets a turn.

Yo momma such a ho bitch did a split and three wedding rings fell out.

Yo momma such a ho she goes to a family reunion looking for a date.

Yo momma such a ho she sat on a barstool and slid to the floor.

Yo momma such a ho she heard Santa say "Ho ho ho" and thought he called her three times.

Yo momma such a ho she got "Trojan" written on her gum line.

Yo momma such a ho when you were born you came out her ass cause the other side was too busy.

Yo momma such a ho bitch is like a bowling ball...she get's picked up, fingered, and thrown in the gutter.

Yo momma such a ho she need to stop changing her lipstick 'cause bitch be leaving a rainbow on my dick.

Yo momma such a ho I coulda been yo daddy but the guy behind me had exact change.

Yo momma such a ho she's like a Toyota..."Oh what a feeling."

Yo momma such a ho she's like a TV...even a 2 year old can turn her on.

Yo momma such a ho she's like Orange Crush...Good vibrations.

Yo momma such a ho she's like a shotgun...two cocks and she blows.

Yo momma such a ho she's like Betty Crocker icing...always ready to spread.

Yo momma such a ho she's like Crazy Eddie...practically giving it all away.

Yo momma such a ho she's like 7-11...on every corner and always open.

Yo momma such a ho she's like Domino's pizza...something for nothing.

Yo momma such a ho she's like a turtle...whenever she falls on her back she's screwed.

Yo momma such a ho she's like Chinese food...sweet, sour, and cheap.

Yo momma such a ho she's like cake mix...15 servings per package.

Yo momma such a ho she's like a refigerator...everybody puts their meat in.

Yo momma such a ho she's like a stamp...you lick her stick her and send her away.

Yo momma such a ho she's like a screen door...after a couple of bangs she loosens up.

Yo momma such a ho she's like a railroad track...gets laid all over the country.

Yo momma such a ho she's like a golf course...everybody gets a hole in one.

Yo momma such a ho she's like a vaccuum cleaner...turn her on and she sucks.

Yo momma such a ho she's like a Christmas tree...everybody hangs balls all over her.

Yo momma such a ho she's like a birthday cake...everybody gets a piece.

Yo momma such a ho she's like the Pillbury Dough Boy...everybody gets a poke.

Yo momma such a ho she's like a racing car...bitch burned four rubbers in a night.

Yo momma such a ho she's like a hardware store...2 cents for a screw.

Yo momma such a ho she's like a gum machine...25 cents a blow.

Yo momma such a ho she's like potato chips...Fri-to-Lay.

Yo momma such a ho she's like a bus...50 cents and she's ready to ride.

Yo momma such a ho she's like a bus...guys get on and off her all day long.

Yo momma such a ho she's like a basketball...bounces from one person to the next.

Yo momma such a ho she's like Castlebury's Stew...every serving is family sized.

Yo momma such a ho her favorite words are "Who's next?"

YO MOMMA SO GREASY

Yo momma so greasy bitch sweats Crisco.

Yo momma so greasy under Crisco ingredients the bitch got her own paragraph.

Yo momma so greasy Crisco hired her for it's mascot.

Yo momma so greasy I used her leg hairs to butter my popcorn.

Yo momma so greasy her freckles slid off.

Yo momma so greasy she slid into second and ended up in Detroit.

Yo momma so greasy Texaco has her listed under "Most Favored Nation" status.

Yo momma so greasy she uses bacon as a band-aid.

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YO MOMMA SO SHORT

Yo momma so short she poses for trophies.

Yo momma so short you can see her feet on her Driver's License.

Yo momma so short bitch has to use a ladder to pick up a dime.

Yo momma so short she can play handball on the curb.

Yo momma so short bitch can sit on the curb and swing her feet.

Yo momma so short bitch does backflips under the bed.

Yo momma so short she gotta carry around a sign that says "Don't spit! I can't swim!"

Yo momma so short she jumped off the curb and died.

Yo momma so short bitch tripped over a piece of paper.

Yo momma so short she hand glides with a Dorito.

Yo momma so short she can do push-ups under the door.

Yo momma so short she's always the last one to know it's raining.

Yo momma so short she gotta slam-dunk her bus fare.

YO MOMMA SO SKINNY

Yo momma so skinny bitch ate a Tic-Tac and looked like she was pregnant.

Yo momma so skinny she turns sideways and disappears.

Yo momma so skinny Ethiopians give her food.

Yo momma so skinny she hula-hoops with a Cheerio.

Yo momma so skinny she gotta wear a belt with Spandex.

Yo momma so skinny her arm looks like a string hanging out her shirtsleeve.

Yo momma so skinny she gotta run around in the shower to get wet.

Yo momma so skinny on a windy day I put a string on her and used the bitch as a kite.

Yo momma so skinny her shadow be starving.

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YO MOMMA SO LAZY

Yo momma so lazy bitch thinks a two income family is where yo daddy got two jobs.

Yo momma so lazy she gotta have a remote just to operate her remote.

Yo momma so lazy she entered a snail marathon and STILL ain't hit the finish line.

YO MOMMA SO TALL

Yo momma so tall she tripped over a rock and hit her head on the Moon.

Yo momma so tall she tripped in Michigan and drowned in the Pacific Ocean.

Yo momma so tall bitch is always lightheaded.

Yo momma so tall she answered the door and I was looking at her foot.

Yo momma so tall birds gotta look up just to say "Damn."

YO MOMMA SO BALD

Yo momma so bald even a wig wouldn't help.

Yo momma so bald anybody can see what's on the bitch's mind.

Yo momma so bald she uses rice for hair rollers.

Yo momma so bald she makes Mr. Clean look like a gorilla.

Yo momma so bald mosquitos use her head as a runway.

Yo momma so bald when she braids her hair it looks like stiches.

Yo momma so bald she took a shower and got brain-washed.

YO MOMMA SO BLACK

Yo momma so black she went to night school and they counted her absent.

Yo momma so black she spits chocolate milk.

Yo momma so black bitch leaves fingerprints on charcoal.

Yo momma so black she gets into bath water and makes chocolate milk.

Yo momma so black even Malcolm X made her sit in the back of the bus.

Yo momma so black the cops shot at her and the bullets came back for flashlights.

Yo momma so black bitch has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers.

YO MOMMA GLASSES SO THICK

Yo momma glasses so thick she look at a map and sees people waving.

Yo momma glasses so thick bitch sees into the future.

Yo momma glasses so thick it look like she got 40s stuck to her face.

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YO MOMMA HEAD

Yo momma head so small she got her ears pierced and died.

Yo momma head so small bitch uses a tea-bag for a pillow.

Yo momma head so big it shows up on radar.

Yo momma head so big she does flips when she walks.

Yo momma head so big she gotta step into her shirts.

YO MOMMA TEETH

Yo momma teeth so yellow when she smiles traffic slows down.

Yo momma teeth so yellow bitch spits butter.

Yo momma teeth so yellow I can't believe it's not butter.

Yo momma teeth so yellow her tonsils gotta wear sunglasses.

Yo momma teeth so yellow she smiles and you can Dorothy skipping on them.

Yo momma teeth so yellow God says "Let there be light" and she smiles.

Yo momma teeth so yellow she closes her mouth and her stomach lights up.

Yo momma teeth so yellow bitch looks like she got a mouth full of Corn Pops.

Yo momma teeth so nasty when she eats green candy nobody notices the difference.

Yo momma teeth so crooked bitch bit into a sandwich and missed.

Yo momma so bucktooth she could hollow out a Pumpkin through a picket fence.

Yo momma so bucktooth it look like somebody shoved a pair of baby shoes in her mouth.

Yo momma missing so many teeth she smiles and it looks like her tongue's in jail.

Yo momma missing so many teeth bitch can floss with a beach towel.

Yo momma missing so many teeth when she smiles I don't know whether to smile back or kick a field goal.

Yo momma missing so many teeth bitch smiles and looks like she's playing dice and just rolled Snake-Eyes.

Yo momma missing so many teeth she got the Tooth Fairy on speed dial.

YO MOMMA BREATH

Yo momma breath so bad she made the gasmask become a fashion statement.

Yo momma breath so bad people look forward to her farts.

Yo momma breath so bad it fails the State Emissions Test.

Yo momma breath so wack she needs not a Tic, not a Tac...but the whole damn pack.

Yo momma breath must be taking karate because that shit is really kickin.

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YO MOMMA SO

Yo momma so dry her crabs gotta carry canteens.

Yo momma so white she shops at the KKKMart.

Yo momma so loose it's like throwing a weinie down a hallway.

YO MOMMA NOT SO BAD

Yo momma not so bad...she's twice the man you are.

Yo momma not so bad, she'd give you the hair off her back.

Yo momma not so bad, bitch blew me for a nickle when I couldn't afford the sex.

Yo momma not so bad as long as you put a bag on her head AND your head.

Alright now, let's get off of mommas, 'cause I just got off yours.

P.S. Gotta leave the lyrics to some song or other at the end of da E-Mailz, so here's a neat song with really kickazz lyrics. By a band I truly love and keeps me sane called The Butthole Surfers. It's about life and how to live it. Word.

"Who Was In My Room Last Night?"

By The Butthole Surfers

Markie got with Sharon

Sharon got Cherie

She was sharin Shaon's outlook on the topic of disease.

Mikey had a facial scar and Bobby was a racist

They were all in love with dyin, they were doin it in Texas.

Tommy played piano like a kid out in the rain

Then he lost his leg in Dallas, he was dancing with a train

They were all in love with dyin, they were drinking from a fountain

That is pouring like an avalanche and coming down the mountain.

I don't mind the sun sometimes, the images it shows

I can taste you on my lips and smeel you in my clothes

Cinnimon and sugary and softly spoken lies

You never know just how to look through other people's eyes.

Some will die in hot persuit in fiery auto crashes.

Some will die in hot persuit while sifting through my ashes.

Some will fall in love with life and drink it from a fountain

That is pouring like an avalance, coming down the mountain.

Little Mikey took a knife for arguing in traffic

Flipper died a natural death, he caught a nasty virus.

Then there was the everpresent football player rapist

They were all in love with dyin, they were doin it in Texas.

Paulie caught a bullet, but it only hit his leg

Well they should have been a better shot and got him in the head.

You never know just how you look through other people's eyes.

P.P.S. Stop and indulge me if you will and give props to my dead boys Kevin Ali, Benji Jones, Lisa Williams, Josh Switzer and last but definately not least Gary Carlson. Much love peeps. Also give a wish of luck to my brother Justin who has been in jail for 2 years but will be out in a few more months.

"I'm thinking about mortality : I'm thinking it's a cheap price we pay for existence" - Bob Geldof

Live each day as if it was your last, 'cause one day it will be.